it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
