hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
