I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
