I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
