my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
