I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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