ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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