You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
