remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
