i think my mom watched the whole time
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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