dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
