I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
