Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
