Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
