If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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