No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
