You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
