member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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