i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
