I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
