We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
