I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
