He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
