im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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