You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
