Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
