He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize