i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
