What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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