There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
