you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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