so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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