just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
