John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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