The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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