She is in my trunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize