did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
