Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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