I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
