he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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