I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
