why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
