Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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