the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
