I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
