He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
