No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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