C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
