You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
