Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
