I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
even my farts smell like vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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