I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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