you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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