He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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