everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
