I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In America we eat man semen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
