I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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