3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
