try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
