she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
