Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
