If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
