You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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