Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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