Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
