I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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