I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
