The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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