I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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