Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize