Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
