think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
