My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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